"Terminal Cheesecake Is a Group!"

Terminal Cheesecake is a noise band.  
"Blondie is a group." 
"Terminal Cheesecake is a group." 
English pretenders to Butthole Surfers. Remember the type. Herne Bay 1992.* 
Rough Trade Shop chancers. 
Peel Session chancers. 
Gary Wiiija wants ter buy yez a drink chancers.  
Your correspondent had their CD and sold it now it can't be got cheap at all chancers.

Then thirty years on they blew the windsocks out of my head last week. Then they respectfully replaced them with cobwebs of their own intricate crafting. They blew my fake white natty dreds clean off and forced them down my throat. 

I said to Wash, "You ever been in Reading before?" He'd been to a rugby match there a couple of times. That's not a Reading association I would of made. "That's not right Reading living." The show was advertised as playing from 10:30AM – 11:30 PM so we facetiously (semi-seriously) wondered if it was going to be a thirteen-hour sludge-drone arse-quake fuck-fest the sort you could walk in to and out of as you would at a shitty video installation at the Whitney Biennial. It wasn't. So we drank at "the Lyndhurst" [HARRY METCALF voice: "Nice boozer Fabe"] for seven hours til South Street opened up. Gotted badly blotted out. Staggered in in the middle of Workin' Man Noise Unit and I quickly established myself as that well-beloved type, piss artist at noise show. 

Johnny Cash is the killer on this Columbo. By the way, did you ever notice the resemblance between Johnny Cash and Mark E. Smith. By jove the acting is bad. But amazingly Ida Lupino played his wife who he killed. Did you ever see that noir movie she directed, The Hitch Hiker? Super superb. She also made Road House with Richard Widmark and two other masterpieces back to back, On Dangerous Ground  and Beware My Lovely, both with the master, Bob Ryan. Like when Katsu Shintaro & Toshiro Mifune made Zatoichi Meets Yojimbo and Incident at Blood Pass back to back. Remember that? A golden age.

I have got to amend my last remarks. Yes Johnny Cash can't act yes he blunders about like a stuck lungfish but the Columbo producers seem to have known he was very lousy and they were on to something farcical and they just shit-grinned and saw it out. To accommodate Johnny's floundering bad disgrace "on the boards" they came up with several set-piece vignettes, bits to wit, by classic TV character actors that more than make up for the immoral bad flatfish and potato-chip shit Johnny Cash was hawking in his scenes. There's a great scene with a sort of has-been Air Force general who is now a "desk jockey," and then the one with a comic religious seamstress –– also the scene with "Pangbourne" the air crash expert. 

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* Not always a good combination. For instance I have given Skullflower more leeway than possibly anybody else on the face of this planet. You know when people say, "We do not own the Earth, we are just passing through, we are mere humble custodians." That's how I feel about Skullflower. "I don't own this CD. It is merely passing through me. I'm just buying it at an exorbitant price, listening to it once queasily, then selling it on for next to peanuts." 

"Sex Lives of Sonic Youth."

It's laughable that anybody would ever end up talking about the sex life of the members of the defunct gallery-going yoga-mat collective Sonic Youth. There was nonetheless a keen debate going on at Brooklyn Vegan for a while a few months back, when the news broke about' Thirstin's thrustin' around behind his erstwhile missus's back.

"All in all I quite enjoyed the ruckus," as Donald Rumsfeld would say, because there had been such a pious overrating afforded to this band, woefully inappropriate. I should say, in the interests of journalistic integrity, that when I was sixteen I had Bad Moon Rising and Sister and EVOL on vinyl, and I once knew a man who purported to have bought a copy of Washing Machine on CD. He was a Frenchman.

I also have a copy of the Death Valley '69 Blast First twelve-inch for sale if anybody wants it. Scarcely ever been played.

Imagine though, is there a more sexless band than this tenacious crew of cranial pillocks? (Kraftwerk perhaps, but aren't even they rather raunchy, in comparison with SY, with their long-distance cycling outfits?) They had a record, Confusion Is Sex, which is actually known generally throughout the world as Sex Is Confusing For Sonic Youth. Subtitled: We Can't Get Laid Backstage at Our Own Show at Budokan. 

You'd have to look at Lee and Steev especially and laugh out loud at the thought. These pilgrim fathers couldn't get felt up in a knocking shop! These are the men who eventually got dumped by their Japanese groupies for being "possessive" and "needy" and "weird"! These are the only septuagenarians who still "dig" the Beat writers!

Anyway you should all for a laugh look up the page
[ http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2013/04/kim_gordon_tell.html ] if only because it really cracks the institutionalized mass-delusions about this group. Do you recall that one good record they had, the Master-Dik twelve-inch, which the inner sleeve reprinted a letter to Maximum RocknRoll from Ben Weasel about how bad the group was? Well Thurston should put this whole Brooklyn Vegan debate on his next shitty album as a deluxe screen-printed signed HC booklet.

Frank Zappa - What's My Line, TV Appearance 1971

Eurovision 1971 Luxembourg - Monique Melsen - Pomme, pomme, pomme

Curved Air - Backstreet Luv

Chicory Tip - What's Your Name

"Thurston Hearts the One Per Cent."

No old fool quite like an old tool.

No old fool quite like Thurston.
No decrepit old farm tool quite as gnarled and befuddled as Thurston the singer from Sonic Youth!

I fucking hate David Bowie and I fucking hate Sonic Youth—they always struck me as art-wank bullshit, just so complacent. I think [Thurston Moore] is a cunt and I told him so. He was like, “Get this guy away from me…” And that remix he did [Moore remixed the Blur song Essex Dogs] …God…

Alex James

ROLLING STONE LICKSPITTLE: What inspired the Occupy theme in the "Lip" video?

THRUSTON [sic]: It was the idea of the director, Eva Prinz. She's a cracker of a girl. A really splendid dynamite firecracker. She's my protege. Ha... I’m fucking her, you see. But I don't want to talk about that. Wanna talk about politics. It's a protest song I wrote for all the Occupy people I know, and she's very involved with Occupy in a very activist way. Activistical. Activistic...  She’s married to a member of the Dutch royalty so it’s only natural that she is interested in the plight of poor Americans. Kind of benevolent. She's married to him but he lets her run around as she will and lucky me, she runs straight into my loving arms! She's a really terrific go-getter. Anyway, when I went down there, there was so much celebration and theater going on, lots of minor foreign royalty, and I really responded to that. I felt like the new Allen Ginsberg. I felt benevolent. You know, getting all clammy-handed with my finger-cymbals and trying to fuck everything within gnawing distance. All in the name of free love. You know I split with my old lady right? Right. I’m fucking a new lay and she’s young and rich and loaded and she thinks I’m a fucking poet and we love to go down Wall Street and, you know, empathize with the so-called dirt-poor. By which I mean the filthy rich. You know, those One Per Centers who sympathize terribly with the Unwashed 99. I mean I guess we think it’s an awful shame that people are unable to afford Record Day reissues of vintage HC seven inches on eBay man. You'd go down and there was poetry being read and a library being built and an ad hoc parade would go around. So I wrote a song somewhat based on that with the chorus, "Get fucking mad/Too fucking bad." Or, something like, “Don’t be a clown/Get down.” “Don’t get mad/Get even.” You know the drill man. I'm not very articulate. I mean, I’m a lousy fucking writer but I’ve spun out this mindless goo-goo NY pop-art sludge for lo thirty years now and look what it’s got me, it’s got me fucking minor Dutch royalty.  I mean where’s Gibby Haynes now? Anyway as far as the Occupy movement, I really don’t know much about what the complaints are, but...  Eva wanted to show aspects of it as a filmmaker. Does that last sentence mean anything? Or is it empty verbiage from my mouth? The image of the burning bus in London is a very loaded image. You can quote me on that. How is it loaded, why is it loaded, don’t ask me. I went to a liberal arts college upstate somewhere. We just say images are “loaded” and move respectfully on. Making a video of a song with a chorus of "Fuck fuck fuck" is a little ridiculous. Even I admit that.  You can't show the thing. You can’t listen to the thing if I’m honest. But it was a creative moment. I learnt to say that at college too. “It was a creative moment.”