"Terminal Cheesecake Is a Group!"

Terminal Cheesecake is a noise band.  
"Blondie is a group." 
"Terminal Cheesecake is a group." 
English pretenders to Butthole Surfers. Remember the type. Herne Bay 1992.* 
Rough Trade Shop chancers. 
Peel Session chancers. 
Gary Wiiija wants ter buy yez a drink chancers.  
Your correspondent had their CD and sold it now it can't be got cheap at all chancers.

Then thirty years on they blew the windsocks out of my head last week. Then they respectfully replaced them with cobwebs of their own intricate crafting. They blew my fake white natty dreds clean off and forced them down my throat. 

I said to Wash, "You ever been in Reading before?" He'd been to a rugby match there a couple of times. That's not a Reading association I would of made. "That's not right Reading living." The show was advertised as playing from 10:30AM – 11:30 PM so we facetiously (semi-seriously) wondered if it was going to be a thirteen-hour sludge-drone arse-quake fuck-fest the sort you could walk in to and out of as you would at a shitty video installation at the Whitney Biennial. It wasn't. So we drank at "the Lyndhurst" [HARRY METCALF voice: "Nice boozer Fabe"] for seven hours til South Street opened up. Gotted badly blotted out. Staggered in in the middle of Workin' Man Noise Unit and I quickly established myself as that well-beloved type, piss artist at noise show. 

Johnny Cash is the killer on this Columbo. By the way, did you ever notice the resemblance between Johnny Cash and Mark E. Smith. By jove the acting is bad. But amazingly Ida Lupino played his wife who he killed. Did you ever see that noir movie she directed, The Hitch Hiker? Super superb. She also made Road House with Richard Widmark and two other masterpieces back to back, On Dangerous Ground  and Beware My Lovely, both with the master, Bob Ryan. Like when Katsu Shintaro & Toshiro Mifune made Zatoichi Meets Yojimbo and Incident at Blood Pass back to back. Remember that? A golden age.

I have got to amend my last remarks. Yes Johnny Cash can't act yes he blunders about like a stuck lungfish but the Columbo producers seem to have known he was very lousy and they were on to something farcical and they just shit-grinned and saw it out. To accommodate Johnny's floundering bad disgrace "on the boards" they came up with several set-piece vignettes, bits to wit, by classic TV character actors that more than make up for the immoral bad flatfish and potato-chip shit Johnny Cash was hawking in his scenes. There's a great scene with a sort of has-been Air Force general who is now a "desk jockey," and then the one with a comic religious seamstress –– also the scene with "Pangbourne" the air crash expert. 

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* Not always a good combination. For instance I have given Skullflower more leeway than possibly anybody else on the face of this planet. You know when people say, "We do not own the Earth, we are just passing through, we are mere humble custodians." That's how I feel about Skullflower. "I don't own this CD. It is merely passing through me. I'm just buying it at an exorbitant price, listening to it once queasily, then selling it on for next to peanuts."